UNFORGIVENESS: A SUBTLE POISON

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"How can she say that to me in public?" I asked myself in disbelief as I knelt beside my bed, bitting my lower lip in the process.

Yes, I just returned from a meeting where I had a conversation with someone I respected. Just as you have imagined, it did not end well. If she had reached out to me, privately, I would have respected her so much. But with this, she has lost the respect I have for her.

"No! No! There's no way I'm ever going to allow this slide." I muttered to myself as I fight back the tears gathering in my eyes. Tears? No way! I'm not going to cry over this. Never!
But, it hurts! A lot! Nevertheless, I'm not gonna cry.
............................................
Some weeks ago, I had a one on one conversation with someone I so much respect. While conversing, she said something that got to me so badly. The fact that I couldn't respond as I want to makes it more painful.

Gradually, I began to hurt as unforgiveness begin to eat into me. The more I thought about the words, the more I hurt.

I should have reached out to her so we could resolve it but, I was unwilling. To think that all she will say is "I'm sorry" makes me more reluctant because I don't need an apology. Will her apology make up for the pains, and struggles I had to go through?

I wish it could. Since it can't, I would rather keep this to myself than reach out to her. I concluded.

With every passing hour, unforgiveness thrives within me. In a twinkle of an eye, it grew so big such that I get irritated just by hearing her name. The moment my heart races each time I am within her territory, I knew unforgiveness has gotten the best part of me. Sadly, she's not aware of all these.

Day after day, my blood boils violently for revenge. I just want to ensure I pay her back in her coins(not after she had attempted to humiliate me in public).

I tried as much as possible to come up with a revenge plan, but the more I think of one, the harder it was to come up with something. This makes me hurt, the more.

As much as my flesh is crying out for revenge, my Spirit man is giving me the nudge to forgive, and let go.

"Let go when she hasn't apologized?" This must be a joke. "Don't bring this up for me, again, please." I responded to the nudge.

Guess what? I did not stop carrying out every other spiritual activity that I am involved in. Little did I know that I am stained, and that I reek of bitterness, and unforgiveness (which has been rendering my service to God, useless).

Unfortunately, I saw nothing wrong with my actions(holding a grudge against someone, fuming with bitterness, looking forward to taking revenge...), even when the Spirit tried to explain things to me.

Rather than pay attention, I cut Him off because I felt He doesn't seem to understand what the person did, neither does He know the gravity of the offense committed. Hence, I decided to school Him(narrating the incidence to Him, over and again). Foolish me.

I need no soothsayer to tell me what to do, but I was unwilling to do it. According to me, I need to punish this person, or at least make her feel the pains I felt, too. Until I achieve that, I won't budge.

Was I able to get my revenge? What happened afterwards? Find out next week, same time, same place.

Don't forget to invite your friends, let's learn the best way to forgive, together. See you next week.

Ps: Are you battling with unforgiveness, and you want to share with someone? I'm all ears. Connect with me via:
https://wa.me/+2349078293155

#ElizabethFeranmiAyoola
#Unforgiveness.
#RealLifeStory

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